Honesty is the cornerstone of any good relationship. You should be able to tell your partner anything, and trust that they will be supportive. Hiding things from each other is a bad sign, but when it comes to debt, it is very common. Debt is one of the things that people tend to hide from their partner the most. They think that they will be able to deal with it themselves, without their loved ones ever needing to find out. It rarely ever happens like that. They will find out eventually and the fact that you’ve hidden it will cause far more problems than the debt itself. Being honest and upfront about things from the beginning is the best way to deal with it. There are many different reasons why somebody might choose to hide debts from their partner. Whatever the reason, keeping it a secret will only increase all of the normal stresses associated with financial problems, and make it far harder to get out of. You are not alone, there are plenty of people in the same situation as you, and there is a way out, but you need to tell your partner first. If you are struggling with secret debts, then it’s time to come clean.
Why Do We Hide Debts?
Everybody has their own reasons for not wanting to tell their partners about debts, but most of them are not sensible ones. A lot of people think of finances as a personal thing. It’s nobody else’s business how I handle my money. That doesn’t apply when you are in a relationship with somebody. You agree to share everything with one another, the good and the bad. That includes your financial problems. It is also important because you are sharing all of the financial burdens in your life, like bills and mortgage repayments, so it absolutely is their business if you are struggling. After all, they are the ones that will have to help you out if things get too bad. If you are in a fairly new relationship, you don’t need to be showing them bank statements on a first date. However, if things start getting serious, you need to be honest with them from the beginning. It is unfair to ask somebody to move in with you and then tell them a few months down the line that you can no longer afford to pay your share of the bills.
Embarrassment is another big motivator, especially among men. A lot of men are heavily influenced by gender roles. They see themselves as the breadwinner and they see an admission of financial troubles as an attack on their manhood. If they can’t provide for their partner then they consider that a failure. The bottom line is, that’s silly. If your partner really cares for you, then their opinion of you won’t be tarnished by a bit of debt. Don’t let your pride get in the way of sorting things out, there is no shame in asking your partner for a bit of help.
Not being able to explain how you got into difficulties in the first place can also be a big hurdle. Debt can creep up on you. Even though you thought that you had a handle on things, before you know it you can find yourself drowning in loan repayments. It happens all the time. People often feel that they don’t want to say anything if they can’t justify how they got there in the first place. It makes them feel silly to just say that they don’t know what happened. At this point, it doesn’t really matter how you managed to get into debt. The only important thing is getting out of it. Blame won’t get you anywhere, and your partner should know that.
Fear of losing your partner is perhaps the biggest reason for hiding debt. People convince themselves that their partner won’t want to be with somebody who is bad with money so they hide it. Hopefully, your partner isn’t with you because of the amount of money you have in the bank. They are with you because of you. You’re still the same person that you were, you just have some debts now. Nothing else has changed so there is no reason that your partner would leave you over some money troubles. On the other hand, they might not want to be with somebody that lies to them about things and doesn’t trust them. So hiding your debts from them is far more likely to cause relationship problems that the debts themselves. The problem is, the longer you hide it for, the worse it’s going to be when they inevitably find out. That’s why it is better to just tell them straightaway and avoid all of these problems.
Why Should You Tell?
So, we’ve established the reasons that people hide debts from their partners, but why is it a good idea to tell them. The first reason is that they will find out eventually. If your relationship is going to have any kind of future, there will come a point when you apply for a joint bank account, or try to buy a house. At this point, that creditor is going to tell you that you have a bad credit rating. Your partner will know that it isn’t them, and there will be no way to deny having financial problems. If you’ve hidden it for a long time then you are likely to damage the relationship beyond repair. There is no way that you can hide it from them for the rest of your life. But if you tell them straightaway, you will establish more trust in the relationship. Your partner will be confident that you will always come to them with any problems, rather than being dishonest with them.
The best reason to tell them is that they can help you to deal with it. While you might think that you can deal with everything alone, the truth is that you can’t. Everybody needs help sometimes and there’s no shame in asking. It is difficult to get help without raising questions so when people hide their debts, they often don’t end up fixing it.
Once you’ve told your partner you can actually begin moving forward. You can seek the help of a debt consolidation service that will combine all of your debts into an easy to manage, single payment. Visit DebtConsolidationLoans.com for more information on how to contact these services. Now that your partner knows about your debt, they will be willing to use some of their money to help you straighten things out. This will make it far easier to pay down the debts. It’s also much easier to budget your money and cut spending if your partner knows the reason. If you are hiding it from them, then they will start asking questions when you suggest cutting spending. As far as they are concerned, you can afford these things easily so why do you need to curb spending?
You could also run into problems if your partner starts suggesting that you spend money on things. For example, if they think you should get a new car, or look at buying a house. They are under the impression that you have the money so if they ask and you start making excuses they will wonder why. They might realize that you have money troubles, but they could also think that you are just making excuses because you are not as invested in the relationship as they are. This is going to cause big problems in the relationship and could lead to a breakup.
The mental strain of debt is also something you should be thinking about. Anybody in debt is going to experience a lot of anxiety about it and this can lead to depression. When you add the stress of hiding your partner on top, things can really start to get out of control. You might think that you can hide this from your partner as well but you can’t. They’ll notice these massive changes in your personality and again, they might start thinking that you are unhappy in the relationship, rather than just worrying about your financial woes.
I think it’s clear that hiding your financial troubles from your partner can only cause problems. All of the reasons that we decide to keep it to ourselves are just exacerbated by being dishonest. Telling your partner the truth immediately can stop things from getting worse because you can tackle it together before it spirals out of control. If you don’t stop it now, then you will damage the relationship and cause yourself much bigger problems. If you are trying to plan a future together then bad credit ratings and huge debts are going to be a massive obstacle. It is at this point that your partner might start to question whether the relationship is working properly. You can easily avoid all of these issues by coming clean now before it’s too late.